Holy Crap. This is how I feel. Bear in a cake. Hokey Smokes.
Sometimes it feels as if life just sneaks up on you.
IN WORK
A few years ago I was a young guy in a management position. I felt like I had progressed quite nicely for my age. Having been in "managerial" positions for quite some time now, I can tell you that I am not sure if I HAVE progressed all that far. Its not that I don't like my job, because I love my job, its just that every now and again I look at myself and think "shouldn't I be moving a lot faster?" Now, I don't mean that I should have some sort of ALL POWERFUL job title, on the contrary, sometimes I think I should be stripped of any titles at all and be forced to start all over again. But I guess that's just the defeatist in me.
What I mean by "moving faster" is that I feel like I should be progressing faster as an artist, as a Christian, as a person, and as a husband, father, and provider. I have seen a great deal of personal growth, but I wish that could be more pronounced as I think about where I was and am going... I have a vision, personal goals, and all that other jazz, but it seems sometimes distant and sometimes... very distant. I am believeing, however, that this will be my year to shine, and that the bear won't be back for the big Three-Oh. shudder
PERSONALLY
I am definitely rooting for this to be the "defining year" of my life where I get all my crap together. I'm afraid of a lot of things... I'm afraid of not being a good father, not being a good husband, brother, son, friend, Christian, person, human, mammal, or multi-celled organism. This is the year I hope to get out of debt (sans mortage, which is... most likely impossible), AND I hope to be more organized. I hope to work less and see my family more. I am hoping that this blog will help me put things in perspective, help me to see growth online and throughout these journal entries that no one reads but me. And maybe that's the point. I can read these and think "you know, some of that crap I wrote came to pass" or "looks like more of the same" or "well, you really had it good LAST year didn't you!??!" I hope to God I don't look back on this year and wish I had it "as good" as this past year.
IN HEALTH
After having Pancreatitis, Being sick all year, having my Gall Bladder removed, Being in ICU for a week, Being Diagnosed with Diabetes, Acid Reflux, Hyperlipidemia, and slight hypertension, I can only pray that nothing remotely like that happens this time. I'm taking my meds like a good little boy, and that is the beginning of a good thing... But I still need to lose more weight.
Well! Those are my major goals. I feel like I have a "new year's resolution." Except I'm resolving for a new life, not just a year.
Many thanks to Andrew Willmore for not actually permitting me to use the 29 Bear, but still letting me anyway. Huzzah!
2 comments:
I give you retroactive permission to use the 29 Bear in your post. Happy Birthday, brather (or what's left of it). As a fellow newly-twenty-nine-ite, I share most of your concerns and thoughts on the matter (except, of course, modified where inidividual specifics are concerned). However behind you feel like you are, take solace in knowing that you've accomplished a heck of a lot more than I have at 29. I've got absolute *squat* to show for my own 29 year stint at this always frustrating, sometimes precious thing called life. God's all like, "Dude, what have you done with what I gave you?" And I'm all like, "..." Ah well, maybe I'll have at least SOMETHING to show the 30 Bear when he comes knocking (I *am* counting on his coming knocking!), so he won't eat me like all the past mid-to-late-twenties bears have. Hopefully that something will look like an awesome woman, actual direction and actual growth as an artist, and actual direction and actual growth as a human being. But I haven't developed a good track record yet, have I?
It's all relative, Andrew. I think you're swell!
Post a Comment